Vulnerable

I have just returned from having coffee with a dear friend at the Co-Op. It is a cafe area attached to the grocery store that seniors frequent and today it was full. Linda and I had just finished saying how blessed we felt when an old man with three or four days of whiskers stood at the end of our table which was against the wall.
He said hello and I could tell that Linda knew something about this man and that she was uncomfortable with me even talking to him. He joked and I joked back and then he started getting closer and poking my ribs. He then touched my side telling me I was too fat. Trying to keep calm I told him that I wasn't worried about that and that he should keep his hands to himself. This only seemed to be an invitation - he asked if I was married. Aha, I thought this should put him in his place, "Yes, to the Pastor from Park Avenue. Do you know him?" He said that he did know him and that he was a nice man. If I had thought that knowing my husband was a pastor would deter his rudeness I was immediately proved wrong when he asked how many times a week we had sex. I told him it was unappropriate to speak of such things in public. But he went on... I will spare you the rest.
Linda went to ask if a man would come from the bakery to take him away from us, while I called my husband on Linda's cell phone. He left. We left.
It has been a long time since I have been cornered and vulnerable. It will be with different ears that I hear other stories - a more compassionate and understanding heart.
God forgive him, and help me to forgive him too. And help me to forgive all the men who sat listening to this encounter without helping us.
We are going camping on Otter Lake next week . . . there are worse things than bears to fear and they are right here in Melfort.

Getting Closer

As the days and months tick by I am getting nervous about not having all the details of the walk in order. Here is a list (its good to just get it written out) of things I am concerned about,
1. What will the launch celebration look like, where will it be held? >Book the place, set a date.
2. Who will be on the committee for the walk? >Talk to Doug & Jen
3. What will the publicity & materials look like? >talk to Careforce (Lorna Dueck, Crossroads)
4. What will we use for the chase car? >would like a Smart Car
5. Who will be the road manager? > I might know this one
6. Will enough people join the team? > not under my control
7. Will we raise the money we are aiming for? > not under my control
8. Will people trust us with their money? > not under my control
9.
I cant think of anything else right now. But just writing them out took their power to frighten me away. There are some I can effect right now, others that I need to wait on, still others that are not for me to control. Those last ones fall into the "have faith" area of the walk.
Remembering that this wasn't my idea always helps me to relax into God's wisdom. No, I don't have all the answers but I truly believe that God is in control of this walk. So I am exercising faith and thats the first simple step of any journey.

Failure to Launch

So what does your son do for a living?
I'm afraid I can't tell you . . . yeah, or I'll have to kill you. (ha ha again) No really I can't tell you.
The title of this blog has nothing to do with my son though. I just found this photo on the dnd website and thought it was too cool to keep to myself.
Today, was a failure day. Last night I decided that I would walk 28 kms today. I packed my hydrapack with water, gatorade & snacks, filled up my new ipod (which I got for free by the way!!! something I wanted for the walk but didn't think I'd get), packed losts of wet ones and tp (see previous blog), recharged my gps and set my alarm for 4:30 am.
Yes, I woke up but it was still "dark" out (at least it seemed to be through my only slightly opened eyes) and so I decided I should sleep for a bit longer. Yeah, exactly. When I woke up, I felt stupid and guilty. When Paul suggested we at least do our regular morning 6 km walk it just made me mad. But his gentle persistance got me out on the road.
The reason I wanted to do the walking early in the day was because my reading group was coming to my place at 1pm. So after a rather larger bfast I decided I would do something completely out of my ordinary and make cupcakes. No biggie, just a box of cake and a tub of icing. While making these I licked the spatula instead of scraping it. Then ate the one that I broke taking it out of the pan. Then ate another for lunch, another for supper.
Failure was the flag of the day!
But...I had just surprised my son-in-law a couple of days before by saying, "Failure plus failure plus failure plus failure equals success." And so it came back to my mind quickly. I truly believe that failure is part of the journey. So today is my failure to launch day, but tomorrow...well actually we are going on a 2 day canoe trip to I will actually launch for sure.
I heard somewhere, "Running is 90% in your mind. The other 10% is in your mind." So I guess I win . . . that was a simple step :)