2000 KILOMETERS

"All that I have has been given to me. There is nothing that I have that has not been from His hand. No effort, no striving, no human pluck or fortitude has brought me anything. I am His servant, in His battle, for His glory." At 2000 k, Manitoba border, August 3, 2007 Denise DeGraaf

Yes, we have indeed passed the 2000 km mark! On Friday, Paul and I walked and Diane drove across the Manitoba border that we had set as our virtual 2000 k mark (actually 2000 k had been crossed about a half hour before the border.)

I have to talk to you about a troublesome bit of brain matters. I have been noticing a trend in my mindset...as I approach a milestone (I noticed it first at the half way mark) a kind of depression (not severe but notable) begins to swarm above me. I can dodge it, and even ignore its looming presence for sometime but as the days bring me closer to the achievement the threat becomes more intense. I respond by pushing harder, avoid discussing the mark and by indulging in a bit of panic (you know the look in a horse's eyes when he's spooked by what he can't see?)

I used to ride a horse (just barely a horse) called Dapper Dan. He thought himself to be all that and would like to strut his stuff. It was always a constant battle for who was going to control his head - or so I thought at the time. In hindsight, I believe he was just frustrated by my lack of riding skills. I was probably sending him conflicting signals, such as squeezing with my legs and pulling back on the reins at the same time. Poor horse, now I realize how patient he was. I'm grateful he didn't attempt to dismount me regularly.

That is the same feeling I am struggling with now - excitement to have achieved 2000 k and a sadness without explanation (squeezing with my legs and pulling back on the reins). A double minded person is unstable in all her ways!

On Sunday, Paul and I attended a Baptist Church in Kenora and the whole service was centered on the word FAITH. Without having the answer about the cloud of darkness that accompanies a success, I will continue this walk the way I began - in faith. This walk is not about me, I could not have come this far without Him allowing me to walk everyday. In Africa, after we visit a village (usually the village of Bankan), we follow custom by going to the elders and they "give us the road." (They also usually give us a live goat which gets tied to the roof of the vehicle for the ride home, but that doesn't have anything to do with my story). God has "given me the road" and I am blessed on my way.

I also need to say that when I set out my log before leaving, at 2000 k we worked in an extra day off. BOY DID I NEED IT. My emotions were soggy, my feet were feeling thick, and my head was not focused. That last day was extremely hard. But my friend (Paul) had come to walk with me - God knew how much I would need him. I felt like those pictures of people coming in after doing the triathalon at Kona - blind with exhaustion. I thought of another picture too, when God laid Elijah's head on a rock and gave him sleep. I needed rest, it was time to rest. Not only did I have a place to rest, but I also had my best friend with me!

Tomorrow morning we start the last 1000 k. I feel ready. My mind is focused and my heart is armed with faith. God only gives us one day at a time for which I am very grateful.

Come with me back to the beginning (Fri Dec 22, 06 Blog entry) and lets see what I wrote:

Shackleton made a commitment to his men when (their boat) the Endurance was finally swallowed by the ice, he said, "Well men, lets go home." He spoke these words of hope to his crew as they stood on an ice flow, the summer was coming in hard and hot, and their vessel had just abandoned them giving itself up to the sea.Words of hope, commitment to each other, hard hard work, and faith. Do we still have any remnants of these virtues within? Do I have any of Shackleton's love for his men, commitment to my goal, willingness to work harder than I have ever worked, and faith that will sustain my hope?

I believe its there inside me waiting to be worked out by a consistant commitment to obedience and endurance.

Well men, lets go home.