A Bad Day In Mongolia

It has been a "bad day in Mongolia" day. A "who thought this would be a good idea day." (Watch Ewan MacGregor & Charlie Boorman's, Long Way Round, to understand.) But even if you havent been blessed with seeing that great series...you understand.
But Jesus did hear my cry, and gave me strength to stand up and move. Thank you Lord.
Emotional crap is worse than anything physical...absolutely. And I have had more than a lifetime's worth of emotional crap in the last 4 months. But I keep believing God is up to more than my mental training for the walk. And he is! So I submit. Wow, big girl "submitting" to God. I think the bible calls that my reasonalble service. Yep.
Weeping endures for the night but joy comes in the morning. Come morning come.
Only 8 weeks until we leave Melfort. What needs to be done??? hummm

Jon Krakauer

Jon Krakauer first introduced me to extreme adventure books. I don't remember...oh yes I do...I heard an interview on CBC with Jon about his book, "Into Thin Air" which told of his assignment as journalist for Outside magazine on a tragic assent of Everest. It was the first book, that I couldn't put down. It was too soon over and I was hungry (ravenous) for more.

Since then I have read nothing but adventure/travel genre. I was going to name them all but the list is long and if you really are interested (which I doubt) you can leave a comment (which no one seems to do anymore on my blog) and I will compile a list of some excellent books for you.

All that to say: I am reading another of his books, "Into the Wild." It is the true account of a young man who gave away all his savings, burned the money he carried, and walked into the Alaskan wilderness only to be found months later by a moose hunter. It is estimated that he had died two weeks before his rescuers appeared on the scene. Again, Krakauer draws out facinating and disturbing evidence of a seemingly "normal" young man who although living on the edge of extreme for some of his life could be any one of us if we would let our childhood fantasies of escaping to the wild become reality. It doesn't seem to be a long road from one side to the other.

Well, maybe it is shorter for some of us than others ;)

So, again we see the moral of the story is that I AM NOT CRAZY AFTERALL! This little walk of mine is fraught with all kinds of safety features, safety nets, and safety considerations. Our "happy band" will walk the daily route and savour every human encounter (good or bad), every wildlife encounter, every coffee counter (woops slipping off there).

I am into these triplets tonight. Ok enough. Paul is out playing basketball and I am home alone writing to you - being crazy.

Something I can tell you that is very serious - a massage therapist gave me a gift certificate for 2 - 1.5 hour sessions for deep tissue massage and stretching. I have never had a massage before but I know I have the MASS and the AGE for it so I look forward to her gift. I would like to put her logo on my website and the chiropractor who gave me the orthodics as well. Very generous.

Naomi and Ruth

Our ladies retreat was an exceptional blessing this weekend. Our speaker, Gloria Daum is well taught in the scriptures and had many spiritual insights for us to digest. Along with her humble spirit her teaching was clear.

The thought that spoke to me most was that when Naomi returned home the women of the community said, "Poor Naomi! Look what your husband did to you." But she had a clearer vision of the reality in her life. She responded, "It is God that gives me good and bad. I will not blame anyone for the circumstances in my life." How mature, how wise.

Naomi could have said things about her husband that was true - how he had led them astray into Moab. How his children had married outside of the Jewish culture because of where they were living and then they both died there. In fact her husband died there too.

He had not been a good spiritual leader, he had done things that hurt Naomi, he had not been a good provider. YET, she spoke of God as the one who had brought her into this season of "winter" as Gloria described Naomi's situation in Moab. The winter was a time of pain and loss. We have all had winter seasons but moving out of those seasons into spring time is crucial to our continued health.

What stimulated Naomi to leave Moab? "She heard," that there was bread in Bethlehem. She heard of the Lord. Are you listening for God's voice calling you home? What will that sound like? I am sure you will know it when you hear it for it will come with the want to get up and go, a new energy that feels like springtime.

Having just passed through a deep time of winter in my life I feel a surge of springtime as I begin training again and setting my face towards the challenge ahead.

No news about a support vehicle but keep praying.

I am starting to dream about what I will do after the walk. Say about a year later - giving me time to plan. I have been thinking about walking or paddling to remote villages in Saskatchewan to teach the Word. That would be very dangerous as there is a lot of aggression in the north (we are told).
But blood sometimes has to be let to bring other missionaries and souls to eternity.
This poem was a favorite of John Stam. He and his wife, Betty were martyred in China I believe. It has been visionary for me.
This poem was written by E.H. Hamiliton, after hearing of the death of his missionary collegue Jack Vinson. Vinson was martyred in 1931 and showed no fear of death to his Chinese captors, telling them, "Kill me, if you wish. I will go straight to God.

Afraid of What?

Afraid? Of what?
To feel the spirit's glad release?
To pass from pain to perfect peace,
The strife and strain of life to cease?
Afraid? Of that?

Afraid? Of what?
Afraid to see the Saviour's face,
To hear His welcome, and to trace,
The glory gleam from wounds of grace,
Afraid? Of that?

Afraid? Of what?
A flash - a crash - a pierced heart;
Brief darkness - Light - O Heaven's art!
A wound of His a counterpart!
Afraid? Of that?

Afraid? Of what?
To enter into Heaven's rest,
And yet to serve the Master blessed?
From service good to service best?
Afraid? Of that?

Afraid? Of what?
To do by death what life could not -
Baptize with blood a stony plot,
Till souls shall blossom from the spot?
Afraid? Of that?


Esse Quam Videri,
Denise-Lucille DeGraaf
Esse Quam Videri is Latin for "To be rather than to seem."
www.simplestepswalk.ca

Confluence

Confluence - meeting of streams: a flowing together of two or more streams, or a point at which streams combine- stream: a stream formed by others combining- meeting of two or more things: a meeting or joining of two or more things, or the place where two or more things meet or join
My definition of confluence is when you have the flu and responsibilities that you need to attend to coming together on the same weekend. Like this weekend: Ladies Retreat at my home church, I am part of the planning committee, I am invited to speak at a near by (45 min south) sister church at their Ladies Retreat tonight; it is snowing and blowing; and I do have the flu (or cold thing). That is the confluence I am at right now. We know that there are strange and wily currents at confluences and so we need to navigate carefully through them.
I like that word: confluences. We'll make it and the weekend will be over and .... only 8 weeks til we leave Melfort!
Living in green pastures with my Pastor, denise

OH MAN!!! GOLIATH EXPEDITION

Goliath Expedition is the first expedition ever to attempt to forge a path of unbroken footsteps from the southern tip of South America back to England without using any form of transport. Karl Bushby, whose idea and dream became this expedition, will take no fewer than 12 years and 36,000 miles to traverse some of the most remote and challenging places on earth.
His website is attractive and user friendly. Find out more at,
http://goliath.mail2web.com/Plan/

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS! I am totally blown away by this guy's vision and stamina. Everytime I read about someone else who is doing more and harder I am encouraged and strengthened.

Not sold

Well, the prayer was either childish and demanding or just not in His will for the time. In other words our house didn't sell today. Too bad it would be really nice to get everything moved before I leave. Only 8 weeks away on Sunday. The days are getting longer which brings a great smile to my heart and the temps are rising.

My friend owns a magnet sign business and was so nice to put simple steps on one. Thanks Ryan! It is really great how the church especially is behind me 100%. No nay sayers, at least not within ear shot. :)

A local chiropractor, Dr. L. Siwak called and asked if she could assess my feet and provide orthodics if I needed them. It is all done with a computer - you walk across a pad on the floor a thousand times (hyperbole) and then the computer takes all the info and gives an assesment of your foot. My left foot is good but the right was a bit off. Not too bad. But since I have been wearing the orthodics I have noticed improvement with my problem on the inside of my ankles.

Well, we will see how the orthodics work and if they will make it the whole way. She was so generous and I appreciate her thoughtfulness.

Hangin at our place

Amie & Jon, Elijah and Grace were here at the same time as Scott and we spent alot of time just hanging out. It was good medicine. I am looking forward to spending time on the road with my kids. They have promised to come and join me for bits of time. My Mom and Dad too. Of course Paul is coming for the whole month of June. Which is so exciting to be able to share the experience together. I am secretly (not a secret any more) hoping and praying that he will be able to join me for a longer time... but a dreamer knows that dreams are only dreams.

Mom gave Paul a book ages ago by J.Edwin Orr called "Can God." I began to read it today and was most encouraged. He was a tramp for God too. He biked, walked, and travelled over 10,000 miles on the supply of God for meals, bed, clothing and a monthly allowance for the widowed mother he was responsible to support.

After reading is account of need and a prayer of faith, Paul & I prayed the same prayer as he - to provide our need (Orr's was his mother's allowance, ours is to sell our home) by the next day at 11 am. So we wait on God. If this is a prayer of a selfish demanding child I ask for forgiveness, but rather I believe it is a prayer of faith. I will tell you tomorrow which kind of prayer it was.

Also reading this book. What a wonderfully detailed account of the physical feats of these men. I am kept busy reading, not bored in the least. These three started for San Francisco on January 30, 1906 on a bet that they could reach San Francisco and return to their home town in 366 days. They had to start off with no money in their pockets and return with $200 each. If successful they would receive the $600 each placed in a bank account on the day they left. These are mighty sums in those days when 25 cents equaled five dollars today.

There are many good tips for my time ahead and I am much encouraged by their willingness to just step out and do. There were no technical shoes, not even good outer wear (they were given wool toques and leather leggins by stores in their home town of North Sydney, Cape Breton) to brave the -35 degree storms on the way through the maritimes, Maine and to Montreal. The book mentions Vankleek Hill twice and there is even some betrayal and underhanded business!

Of all the pedestrians I have researched I have always found they were at some disadvantage to me. Take for instance Kyle Pickering and Bobby McDowell who walked through the winter and walked from Vancouver to Newfoundland: so they walked in the cold and 3 xs farther than I will. Their website is just plain beautiful and even entertaining (check out the videos). www.walkcanada.com

Then there is Ole Olson and Helen Viel who left Tuktoyaktuk on the Arctic Ocean on 30 March, 2000 bound for St. John's, Newfoundland by way of the Pacific coast, in the longest sanctioned volkssport event ever. They made it - three weeks ahead of their schedule, finishing on Tuesday, November 13, 2000. I couldn't find their ages, but from the photo you can see they are older than I am and they set themselves a much higher goal - touching three oceans!!! Way to go you two!

You might also want to read about Dave Kunst who walked around the WORLD! His brother, John joined him, and later another brother Peter walked for a year with him. They left on June 20, 1970, Dave completed the trek on October 1974. Sadly, John was killed by bandits in Afghanistan. The newspapers had mistakenly written that the brothers were "collecting" money for Unicef. The bandits thought their mule and cart was carrying a load full of money collected. By playing dead, Dave was able to escape the same fate. There is alot of information on his site: http://home.earthlink.net/~earthwalker1/

So as you can see I am not doing anything extremely wild - moderately wild? Perhaps.

Finding someone who looks like Jesus

Paul and I discussed the potential problem of becoming selfish while we are apart. Living alone without anyone else to care for or think about it will become easy to start to think only about "me" (both of us will have to fight this). We brainstormed about ways to overcome this easy slide and didn't come up with anything we could literally "do" to prevent the selfish bloat. But today at our ladies Bible study we were looking at Matthew 25:31-46. Jesus is talking about being a servant and that our actions reveal who we are. He also talks about doing acts of kindness to people because we see His face in theirs. That was the wicked servant's problem, when he left his Master's home forgiven of the debt he could never have paid he walked out with a right relationship to his Master. But when he failed to see his Master's face in his brother who owed him a small amount he destroyed that right relationship with his Master and fell out of favour with the Master. He then was punished according to his debt. Matthew 6: 14,15 tells us clearly that if we want to be in right relationship with our Lord we need to forgive as we are forgiven.
I began to think how Diane and I could ask the Lord to send us someone to give to, or help or encourage every day on the walk. And we could keep a journal of all the ways God sent us into people's lives along the way.
Being unaware of themselves the righteous are good to others.
"Small things with great love." is a quote my daughter passed on to me from Mother Theresa.
I am excited about looking forward everyday to meeting a new person and discovering how I can touch their lives with God's love. Its a simple step away from self occupation to God orientation.

A Tribute to Wanda Hay

Someone died the other day who was a woman of God, a woman with influence and kindness. Her last days were spent sharing the gospel with others around her. Her boldness impacted her young grandson to speak out for His Lord. She is with all those who have gone before now, rejoicing at the throne. Do I regret her home going? I can't be sad to think what a blessed woman she is at this moment and forever more. She has led the way and I will gladly walk in her foot steps one day. But for her family I grieve. Those who cared for her in so many ways, those who will find an empty chair, who will have one less on their Christmas list, who will look absent mindedly for her to come through the door and then remember. For those I ache, and as their friend I pray for their healing to come in time. Not to quickly because love deserves time to weep as it did to laugh. We are the ones who need healing now, not Wanda! And so we wait for time to wash over our hearts-a constant lapping of the ocean of God's love on the shores of our pain - to replace that pain with the hope that we will meet again. As she was so fond of singing at New Year's Eve,
Blessed be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love;
The fellowship of kindred minds is like that to that above.

Before our Father's throne We pour our ardent prayers;
Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one, our comforts and our cares.

We share each other's woes, our mutual burdens bear;
and often for each other flows the sympathizing tear.

When we asunder part, it gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart, and hope to meet again.

This glorious hope revives our courage by the way;
While each in expectation lives, and longs to see the day.

From sorrow, toil and pain, and sin, we shall be free,
And perfect love and friendship reign through all eternity.

So until then, my dear friends may God bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and grant you His peace as He has so recently done for Wanda.

Spaghetti Supper and Concert

In an effort to let Melfort know what we are doing we held a Spaghetti Dinner and Concert. It was an amazing success raising about $3000 for Simple Steps!!! The night featured a celebrity cook - Steve Bohan, who was the chef of the sauce. What a great sauce it was, with cream cheese, cottage cheese, sausage and hamburger! We had a disclaimer for heart patients displayed at the event. Friends, Tracey and Seth MacNaughton who are expert food service coordinators jumped into the deep end and pulled it all together. What an amazing couple! They are humble servants and serve their God with a beautiful attitude.
Ray Sargent, pastor of the Apostolic Church of Melfort and radio show host of "Sunday Side Up" on CJVR was our MC and was excellent at keeping the night moving and informative! Its so great to see our churches in Melfort moving toward each other.
Scott Orr (scottorrmusic.com) came to sing and everyone was incredibly impressed and greatly entertained as he sang the song he wrote for me called "Dreamer," and then ended his set with "King (Queen) of the Road." From crying to laughing, his set had the audience's heart the whole time. Scott was only able to be part of this dinner because Tim & Corina flew him out on their AirMiles. Their thoughtful generousity was ... words become so small and cheap when your heart is so full of gratefulness.
Then I got to say something about the walk, and becoming people who live a simple life so we can share what we have been given.
Trevor Baker (trevorbaker.com) took the stage and had some encouraging and challenging words to introduce his songs.
After the dinner we had lots and lots of food left over, so it was decided that we would have a lunch after church and take donations. Ray invited everyone to join us at Park Ave at 12:30 pm to have some more spaghetti. We also auctioned off 5 cakes of various sizes that Deanna Unruh decorated so beautifully. They went for a crazy amounts from $250.00 for one cake to $55.00. The whole lunch brought in another $1000.00! I was speechless again.
The generousity, hard work and support that our church, Park Avenue Bible Church has shown Simple Steps is unbelieveable! They are my home team and I am counting on them for prayer support the whole way.
I didn't mention all the volunteers who came out to do the prep work for the sauce, or every one who helped in the kitchen, or carried, or purchased supplies, or prayed for success...
I didn't mention that Amie & Jon, Elijah and Grace came all the way from Plenty, SK to be at the dinner. It felt so nice to have them there - it was an important night for the walk.
This was going to be a short blog. But, here you are - I am humbled, and wish to walk as your servant, for His glory and will and that your investment (whether that is money or time or prayers) will be fulfilled and grow into what God blessed it to become.

Nailed Down to May 6, 07

After talking with the Careforce staff we came to the date of May 6, 2007 as the launch date for the walk. Sorry for all the changes but we are trying to optimize the effectiveness of our work/walk.
Honestly, I am upset with myself about my training right now. There are, of course, lots of reasons... Christmas season, snow, cold cold temps, new work on conference administration, tender bruised heart. Ok, so I have decided this portion of the training is about the MIND. I know I have written about this before but it continues to be an area that God is working in me.
How can I overcome the external influences and make a way through to obtain my goals. I'm still working on that but I wont stop, I will never stop. This is a trial that I can use to my advantage in this training. My body is responsive and strong and will catch up in the spring again. But for now it is slow hard slogging. That's ok, just keep moving.
The other day when Paul was picking up some GingerAle for me cuz I was sick, he also surprised me with a 3 dvd set on Shackleton and the story of the expedition to the Antartic in the boat the Endurance. Paul knows how much I love those stories of perseverance and teamwork. Those men did unhuman tasks - like navigating through the roughest seas in the world in a small open life boat exactly to the island they aimed for over 800 miles away! a feat that could hardly be matched today with modern technology. Or scrambling over mountains to reach an isolated fishing village in record time - when repeated today with technical clothing and navigating tools by experienced mountaineers took 3 times longer than Shackleton and his couple of men who had been fighting the ice and seas for 2 months previous. What was in those men? What did they carry inside them that took those bodies past the limits of human endurance and stamina?
Shackleton made a commitment to his men when the Endurance was finally swallowed by the ice, he said, "Well men, lets go home." He spoke these words of hope to his crew as they stood on an ice flow, the summer was coming in hard and hot, and their vessel had just abandoned them giving itself up to the sea.
Words of hope, commitment to each other, hard hard work, and faith. Do we still have any remnants of these virtues within? Do I have any of Shackleton's love for his men, commitment to my goal, willingness to work harder than I have ever worked, and faith that will sustain my hope?
I am working on it. Shackleton is one of my heros (he didn't do everything right, he failed in many areas of his life) but I want to remember the things he did well. Against all odds, against all British navel protocal, against all hopes, he brought every last man home safely. He set a goal and set everything aside to achieve it.
Today, that means loving my best friend, working harder than I have before, and keeping my eye on May 6. Its just one simple step in a long line of steps that will bring me home.
Thank you Charlotte for encouraging me to write again! d

Change in launch date

New launch date
We recently found out that our church will be hosting the 2007 AGC Canada West Conference in April. This is exciting news but it was also really unsettling for Paul as he considered that I would be gone and he would be responsible for the administration of the whole shabang. So, I have decided to start the walk on May 1, 2007 instead and there are many extra blessings that goes with that date. The first and most important is that most of the Ontario Parks will be open within the second week of May - that was causing us some concern. Also, the weather may be a little nicer, although that means the bugs will be out in full force but they would have been anyway. And, now when Paul comes in June I will be around the Montreal Harbour hill - the longest grade on the walk. I will also have more nice days at home to build up again in long days of training. I would like to go to Hamilton to do some hill training, but that might have to be done "on the road."

Lower Blood Pressure
So walking does pay off. I was at the Dr's and my blood pressure was a little low! What a nice surprise. I may be able to go off my bp pills, which would save us almost $50 per month. So he set up an appointment for a 24hr bp test to see if I can come off! I'm sure I will be able to for which I am so grateful. We are also going to do a full physical which is what many people have asked me about.

Pain brings growth
That sounds so cliche - but the truth of it is; the dirty hard truth is that without the pressure that pain brings into our lives we can't grow into mature persons. We have been swimming through some sewage in our life in the last two months and although I never would have asked for this tutor - it has been faithful to show us the way to the Father. How many times I have called out on God, or just the name of Jesus for help to take one more breath. And He always came into the room. He surprised me every time with some measure of peace, hope and perseverance.
This training ground is what I am counting on for the walk - when it gets so that I don't want to go on I can look back and know that I have done it before in harder circumstances - WITH GOD'S CARE AND HELP.
Calling on Him is a simple step I've learned about through the hardest days of my life.

what it takes

Do I know what it takes to train my body to the place that I am ready to walk 25kms a day? Do I know what it takes to leave my husband alone for 4 months? Do I understand what it takes to make a sacrifice to help others?
The answer to all these questions is: absolutely not!!
I do know that my greatest asset is my mind. The ability to take control of my thoughts and emotions and focus them into the moment will be what makes or breaks this adventure.
The training of the body seems to be going well and I am excited to report that I have lost 48lbs - which means I have broken the 200 lbs mark which was a mental barrier for me. I have begun to wonder if my training schedule is too rigorous and whether I am overtraining. So, doing more research and looking for training schedules for edurance runners has helped me to slow up a bit.
Do any of us know what it takes to follow our call? I suppose we have to realize that it will take all of everything we possess.

THE VOICE OUTSIDE MY HEAD

I heard today, that a disciple is one who lives a disciplined life. Surprised? I was but then, what did I think it meant? Of course, simple. So immediately I asked myself the obvious question: Where do babies come from....NO, not that question...Am I living like a disciple of Jesus Christ? Or more simply: Am I a disciplined person.
Sometimes, more than I ever have been, trying hard, were all responses that lay on the gray matter. But since things have changed here in Melfort, SK - snow fell and I feel the push to walk inside at our beautiful "Northern Lights Sports Palace" - I seem to have lost my firm grip on my head! Its like the Bible verse my Pastor read on Sunday while commenting on sloth - "the sluggered says, there is a lion in the street," hmmm sounds like me - backing out on my discipline regime because of a bit of snow.
So last night, this faithful voice that is outside of my head said, "We are going to walk outside tomorrow. Nothing is going to stop you."
May I have $10 worth of courage please, and $100 worth of discipline. Sometimes I need to hold on to his determination and courage, sometimes I can't get it from deep down and thats when you know you have the bestest friend in the whole world...cuz he lets you share his discipline. I love my dear friend and trainer - Oprah eat your heart out :)
Remember endurance is 90% in the mind and the other 10% is in the mind!

Jumping right in

I got blasted for not blogging - truly I deserved it, and probably needed the kick in the motivator. Thanks Scott
The training has been going excellent. I have set up a new training schedule that I have developed for myself after doing some research. It goes like this:
There is a total of 6 months until the launch of SimpleSteps, so I divided the training into 6 wk sections. We had been walking 6 km every day for at least a month before I began this schedule.
Section 1: M 6km, T 12km, W 6km, Th 12km, F 6km, S 30km
Section 2: M 12km, T 12km, W 12km, Th 12km, F 12km, S 30km
Section 3: M 12km, T 18km, W 12km, Th 18km, F 12km, S 30km
Section 4: M 18km, T 18km, W 18km, Th 18km, F 18km, S 30km
Taper: distances will taper down to 6km and 12km but keep the 30km Saturday
I am really pumped about this training. It is so entirely doable one simple step at a time.
Today was my first Saturday 30km. It went great and I am grateful to Paul for helping me to get past a mental hurdle of wanting to walk from point A to point B. So today I walked our 6 km route 5 times. It was great that I could come home since it poured, poured, poured all day. I went through two pairs of shoes and then just started putting the wet ones back on - I still have one pair of dry shoes left.
Something else exciting is the commitment of a support team person, Diane Hawreschuk. The Lord had been laying her on my heart for sometime and when I finally asked her if she had any direction about joining me she was ready to answer on her part. Her husband was surprised by her desire to go but he responded, "This isn't about me." Wow, what a great attitude.
So things are starting to come into place...little by little. Paul keeps me focused on God's part in all this.
I was listening to EndurancePlanet podcast and it was an interview with Christian MacEvoy who is running across America to raise money for cancer survivorship. He mentioned that he has a support group of four, an RV was given to them as well as a car. So I went on their website and realized he not only has a support dream team, but has a full compliment of professionals working on a board for him.
Honestly, I felt discouraged - and little, and like the people on the dust speck in Dr. Seuss' book, "Horton Hears a Who." But Paul reminded me that this walk was God's idea, and His project and He will accomplish what He has planned. There are so many examples of God helping the small to make a big difference. For me its huge, but for God its just a simple step.
Your prayers for the walk and all the needs are treasured.

Vulnerable

I have just returned from having coffee with a dear friend at the Co-Op. It is a cafe area attached to the grocery store that seniors frequent and today it was full. Linda and I had just finished saying how blessed we felt when an old man with three or four days of whiskers stood at the end of our table which was against the wall.
He said hello and I could tell that Linda knew something about this man and that she was uncomfortable with me even talking to him. He joked and I joked back and then he started getting closer and poking my ribs. He then touched my side telling me I was too fat. Trying to keep calm I told him that I wasn't worried about that and that he should keep his hands to himself. This only seemed to be an invitation - he asked if I was married. Aha, I thought this should put him in his place, "Yes, to the Pastor from Park Avenue. Do you know him?" He said that he did know him and that he was a nice man. If I had thought that knowing my husband was a pastor would deter his rudeness I was immediately proved wrong when he asked how many times a week we had sex. I told him it was unappropriate to speak of such things in public. But he went on... I will spare you the rest.
Linda went to ask if a man would come from the bakery to take him away from us, while I called my husband on Linda's cell phone. He left. We left.
It has been a long time since I have been cornered and vulnerable. It will be with different ears that I hear other stories - a more compassionate and understanding heart.
God forgive him, and help me to forgive him too. And help me to forgive all the men who sat listening to this encounter without helping us.
We are going camping on Otter Lake next week . . . there are worse things than bears to fear and they are right here in Melfort.

Getting Closer

As the days and months tick by I am getting nervous about not having all the details of the walk in order. Here is a list (its good to just get it written out) of things I am concerned about,
1. What will the launch celebration look like, where will it be held? >Book the place, set a date.
2. Who will be on the committee for the walk? >Talk to Doug & Jen
3. What will the publicity & materials look like? >talk to Careforce (Lorna Dueck, Crossroads)
4. What will we use for the chase car? >would like a Smart Car
5. Who will be the road manager? > I might know this one
6. Will enough people join the team? > not under my control
7. Will we raise the money we are aiming for? > not under my control
8. Will people trust us with their money? > not under my control
9.
I cant think of anything else right now. But just writing them out took their power to frighten me away. There are some I can effect right now, others that I need to wait on, still others that are not for me to control. Those last ones fall into the "have faith" area of the walk.
Remembering that this wasn't my idea always helps me to relax into God's wisdom. No, I don't have all the answers but I truly believe that God is in control of this walk. So I am exercising faith and thats the first simple step of any journey.

Failure to Launch

So what does your son do for a living?
I'm afraid I can't tell you . . . yeah, or I'll have to kill you. (ha ha again) No really I can't tell you.
The title of this blog has nothing to do with my son though. I just found this photo on the dnd website and thought it was too cool to keep to myself.
Today, was a failure day. Last night I decided that I would walk 28 kms today. I packed my hydrapack with water, gatorade & snacks, filled up my new ipod (which I got for free by the way!!! something I wanted for the walk but didn't think I'd get), packed losts of wet ones and tp (see previous blog), recharged my gps and set my alarm for 4:30 am.
Yes, I woke up but it was still "dark" out (at least it seemed to be through my only slightly opened eyes) and so I decided I should sleep for a bit longer. Yeah, exactly. When I woke up, I felt stupid and guilty. When Paul suggested we at least do our regular morning 6 km walk it just made me mad. But his gentle persistance got me out on the road.
The reason I wanted to do the walking early in the day was because my reading group was coming to my place at 1pm. So after a rather larger bfast I decided I would do something completely out of my ordinary and make cupcakes. No biggie, just a box of cake and a tub of icing. While making these I licked the spatula instead of scraping it. Then ate the one that I broke taking it out of the pan. Then ate another for lunch, another for supper.
Failure was the flag of the day!
But...I had just surprised my son-in-law a couple of days before by saying, "Failure plus failure plus failure plus failure equals success." And so it came back to my mind quickly. I truly believe that failure is part of the journey. So today is my failure to launch day, but tomorrow...well actually we are going on a 2 day canoe trip to I will actually launch for sure.
I heard somewhere, "Running is 90% in your mind. The other 10% is in your mind." So I guess I win . . . that was a simple step :)

Becareful how you smile

Once there was a wonderful gentle man who wore a grumpy face just for a little bit of fun. When he got old his face stayed twisted and sad, although he looked for a way to change . . . there was none.

A very rare moment in the life of this wonderful man who helps me to pursue my dreams every day.

UMLB, d